No church bells this year, at least none that seemed to correspond to anything. I walked by two fire stations; Engine 5 is across the street from my apartment, Ladder 3 is on 13th Street between 3rd and 4th. There was some sort of family lunch inside the ladder 3 station house, I passed by quickly not wanting to gawk. Engine 5 had flowers outside the door. There weren’t any earlier in the morning when we headed to the playground at Tompkin’s Square.

For much of the day I was trying to figure out why I felt a certain numbness to this anniversary. Today was another milestone in time, but September 11th, 2001 has never left me. Earlier I looked at several photos and read a few stories which hardened the pit in my stomach, but in some ways it felt like I was forcing the pain. Maybe that’s what today is supposed to do.

I haven’t forgotten. There are constant reminders and, as one friend described it, there is “a certain low level paranoia about living in New York City.” I notice it most when I’m not here.

The Towers of Light are back and I can see them from our front window. I considered walking down to get a closer look and some photos, but decided to stay in and work instead.

September 11, 2003
September 11, 2002
September 11, 2001

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